Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
