Who wears a wallet chain?!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
