Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you will always have a special place in my vag
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
