I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
