i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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