FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm both gender and math confused
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
