So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
