I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
