so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
