I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
