You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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