Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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