its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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