Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
