I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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