He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
