do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
