He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
