you have to choose: penises or morals?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
