I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
