it was like eating out sand paper
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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