I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
