Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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