every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
