The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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