Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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