i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think i have two assholes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
