Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
