We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
