Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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