Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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