He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
