I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
