He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
