your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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