You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
