Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
