literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
