Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
