is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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