You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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