Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
