Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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