I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just tell him i said nine months
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
