Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
