Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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