i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
