I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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