And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
