who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
