I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
